1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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