I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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