Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize