Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
