his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
