dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
