i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You have to summon your inner elephant
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
