and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
