I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
