Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
