one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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