Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
