what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
