is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
