My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just want nice things and good sex
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
