Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
