TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
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Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
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Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize