Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
