Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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