You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
