Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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