Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
