babies were throwing up all over the place
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
