I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
