you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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