Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
