You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
