Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
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Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
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So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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