And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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