White coat. Heels.
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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