I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
