Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
