and you said cock pushups were impossible
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
