it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
