Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
