strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
