I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
