the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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