How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
