You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
