She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
