You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
