Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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