So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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