she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
