I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
