I want to have your abortion
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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