Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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