I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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