Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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