it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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