I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
