Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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