Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
