So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Randomize
