I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
