i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
