her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She announced her abortion via fbk
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
