so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize