Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
