the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
