my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
