Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
